listening to gloria estefan's 'anything for you' and now, whitney houston's 'i will always love you' .. hmm gak ampe segitunya jg sih. but realizing that today's my first saturday night back to 'single' status, kinda make me go gloomy. not to mention, it's kinda raining outside. too damn mellow to even think about enjoying myself!

i cant believe i'm back in the stage where i'm missing someone who i think, doesnt even miss me back. damn! this is getting too patronized, better break out!

end of the road :: boyzIImen in the background, and the rain begins to pour down once again. it's been raining all day, and so do i. felt so damn lonely. and i hate the fact that i need someone to hold and be my grip once again.

shit banget deh klo lagi begini nih!!

one :: U2
> sial lagunya tambah menggila di malam menggila sendirian ini.. why why why???!!!!!!

the hardest thing :: 98 degrees, sial lagunya yahoo! launch cast radio yang station 'breaking up is hard to do'... lagian what's my point juga by listening to that particular station.. like i'm obligated to feed my dying feelings gitu deh.

i'd rather leave when i'm in love :: rita coolidge...
hmm, this song and it's title kinda intrigued my mind a lil bit... nice concept!

*i'll never fall in love again :: burt bacharach.. this song is really funny! hahahaha
*i'm not in love :: 10cc, it's nice as well, we usually hear it in another version.
*insensitive :: jann arden .. penting nih kayaknya to become insensitive
*king of pain :: the police, still hope that everytime i get these feelings, he'll eventually feels the same way.

ficky called when i was on my way home. so glad to hear his voice. dont know why. my feelings are still unstable, and it sucks! but then again, the way he gave me a call and everything kinda remind me back in those days where we think every night is young, and tried to make the most of it. hanging out anywhere with his gank. i finally told him about my dad and me. and he was pretty shocked. after i told the storym, his reaction was silence. he told me he was thinking at the time. cant really tell what went in and out of his mind, but i told him cause he's been one of the one who occupied my heart and should be trusted with this story. after all, i feel obligated to let him know my secrets. even though ... hahahahaha even though.

suddenly every single song that i play on my comp seems already attached with my situation. it feels like the playlist was created accidently for a purpose, and it was today, this very moment.

:: Incubus // Echo :: *playing on the background*

did i mention that yesterday i wasnt drunk at all, even though i planned to?! phew.. so much for drinking all of those alcohol!

still ... i do think my playlist today is kinda magical! ahahaha i know it sounds silly, but i'm a kind of person who dont believe in coincidence. everything happens for a reason.

>>> Today's Playlist: <<<
* Stay - U2
* Shape of My Heart - Sting
* It Ain't Over Till It's Over - Lenny Kravitz
* I Wish You Love - Lisa Ono
* Kissing a Fool - Michael Buble
* Angel - Sarah McLachlan
* Out of Reach - Gabrielle
* Little Wing - The Corrs
* Emotion - Destiny's Child
* Beautiful - Christina Aguilera
* Up on the Roof - Carole King
* Drive - Incubus
* Still - Brian McKnight
* CLose to You - The Carpenters
* Sway - Bic Runga
* All is Full of Love - Bjork
* High and Dry - Radiohead
* Hyperballad - Bjork
* Wish You Were Here - Incubus
* La Means I Love You - Swing Out Sister
* Stuck in a Moment - U2
* Deep Inside of You - Third Eye Blind
* Thank You - Dido

i feel deceived. ficky's reason of breaking up with me was absolutely cliche!! SHIT!!!!!! And right now, i dont think i'll even answer his call. cant believe i just realize it, when this morning i still sms him and told him that i miss him. hollyCRAP!!!

until now, i still dont know what i'm gonna do next. i hate these kind of feelings. it's a total shit! and like he really do cares for me??!!!!!!!

ARRRRGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we broke up. so sad. we're both sad. it was a living hell this dusk. it's getting worse when i woke up this morning. called him instantly, and cried on the phone. he feels messed up himself. but since it's for the good of both of us, cant really insist on saying no. so sad. very very sad.. missing him a lot now :'(

uhuhuhu kangen ficky!!!! orang2 tuh yg udah menghibur, dari mulai caca, marisa, mbak feni [my own supervisor at work!], jennifer, efi, sampe tonny!! feeling better, but really not on my best. belom lagi mama tau tadi pagi, and she went furious about knowing that i broke her trust. we had one of our biggest fight, but ended up crying together. she understands.

how God has been faithfull to me, even though i'm on my wearies hours. somehow i can tell, that thins gonna end up beautifully for me.

we still care for each other for sure. the details?? well, we both agree that if anyone ever ask us the details, we'll just say to them.. that it's none of their fuckin' business.

:: Pink Martini // Hang On Little Tomato ::
the song, accompanied my broken hearted...

The sun has left and forgotten me
It’s dark, I cannot see
Why does this rain pour down
I’m gonna drown
In a sea
Of deep confusion

Somebody told me, I don’t know who
Whenever you are sad and blue
And you’re feelin’ all alone and left behind
Just take a look inside and you will find

You gotta hold on, hold on through the night
Hang on, things will be all right
Even when it’s dark
And not a bit of sparkling
Sing-song sunshine from above
Spreading rays of sunny love

Just hang on, hang on to the vine
Stay on, soon you’ll be divine
If you start to cry, look up to the sky
Something’s coming up ahead
To turn your tears to dew instead

And so I hold on to his advice
When change is hard and not so nice
You listen to your heart the whole night through
Your sunny someday will come one day soon to you

blog gw lagi ancur2an!!! why why??!!! arrrghhhhh

FiCkY's HaViNg HiS bIrThDaY yesterday sih.....

and yes.. he took me out to dinner... :) even though he took me along with one of his friend, but i didnt mind. so the 3 of us ate our dinner nice and properly, then went back to kemang to picked up their name cards order. after that went to al's place to took ficky's car, then straight to citos.. thankfully his friend was on a different car hehehehe.

i was thinking on giving him a kiss on the cheek, but i didnt do it. guess i was to proud to do that. but overall, i'm having a good time. at least he likes to spend his birthday with me :)

met caca and anggie as well, so there we were... al, caca, anggie, and windy altogether on the same table, talked and laughed on anything we could come up with. ficky had to go on a family dinner so he left at 10.

al taught me to choose talents and gave codes on each one of them. he gave him his name card so i could also search for other talents outside citos, perhaps campus or somewhere else. hopefully they can get their program bought by global, they have put lots of efforts, and my relationship was one of the one's that was once on stake!

NOW.... sitting alone at prodak. switch shift with diah, and working on sunday morning is the worst thing that can ever happen to me right now. for heaven's sake... there's no customer anyway!!! i should be still in bed!!